Beyond the Grade: What Our Kids Really Need From Feedback

It started over breakfast. My 10-year-old was talking about grades, who got what, and how everyone in his class seemed to care so much about them. My husband and I listened for a moment before we told him something that stopped him mid-bite.

“We don’t actually care about grades,” we said.

He looked at us, completely perplexed. “What do you mean?”

As both parents and teachers, it’s something we’ve wrestled with ourselves. Grades, those neat little letters, are supposed to reflect learning. But do they really?

We explained that what matters most isn’t whether you get an A or a C. What truly matters is what you learn from the process:

• What did you do well?

• What do you need to improve on?

• Where to next?

Those three questions tell us far more about learning than any letter ever could.

I shared with him that, in many schools I’ve led or worked in, the grade often drives the feedback. The letter becomes the focus, not the learning. And when that happens, students start to chase marks rather than meaning.

He thought about that for a bit and said, “Yeah, sometimes my teachers will just write the grade, and I don’t really know what I did wrong or how to fix it.”

That comment hit me. Because even at ten, he’d already noticed what so many of us see in classrooms every day: that feedback often stops at the surface.

We kept chatting, exploring the idea that you can still ask those three questions even when you “get everything right.” Learning doesn’t stop just because you aced the test. Growth comes from reflection, curiosity, and knowing what’s next.

That morning reminded me that kids get it. They see through the systems we sometimes accept without question. When we invite them into the conversation, when we talk about learning rather than labelling, they rise to it.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s time we all had more breakfast chats like this one.

The Bigger Picture... What We Know About Feedback

That breakfast chat got me thinking about how deeply grades shape the way we give and receive feedback, even for teachers who don’t believe in them.

Research suggests that when grades dominate, students may focus more on the letter than on how to improve. One study of ungrading found improved engagement when grades were removed and replaced with feedback, peer dialogue, and self-assessment. Similar findings across several studies point to the same conclusion: when the letter disappears, learning often reappears.

In practice, this looks like what we talked about that morning, the three questions that matter far more than a mark:

• What did I do well?

• What do I need to improve on?

• Where to next?

It’s not that grades have no place, but that they can easily become the full stop at the end of learning, rather than the comma that invites reflection.

Of course, removing grades altogether isn’t a quick fix. Research also highlights that context matters: school culture, parental expectations, reporting systems, and student readiness all play a role. But the direction is clear: meaningful feedback fosters deeper engagement and more authentic learning than any letter or number ever could.

And that’s where our next frontier lies. Because in a world where teachers are stretched and feedback takes time, emerging technology, especially AI, might just help us move closer to that vision: a feedback-rich, less grade-centric learning environment.

What Quality Feedback Looks Like

If we’re serious about shifting from grades to growth, we need to rethink what quality feedback actually looks like.

The best feedback isn’t about judgment, it’s about dialogue. It’s timely, so it lands while the learning is still alive. It’s specific, focusing on the process and the choices that led to an outcome. And it’s actionable, helping students see a clear path forward.

Most importantly, it’s a conversation. Students should feel they can ask questions, reflect, and even disagree. Feedback isn’t something done to learners, it’s something they do with us.

When we give students space to self-assess, to identify what worked and what didn’t, we’re not just teaching content, we’re teaching agency. They begin to own their learning. They start asking those three questions on their own.

What We Can Do Tomorrow

That breakfast chat left me thinking... if we know grades don’t tell the full story, what can we do tomorrow to start changing the conversation?

As a teacher:

• Delay the grade, not the feedback. Give rich feedback first, and let students respond before seeing the grade. Then watch how they engage differently.

  Provocation: Are students reading your comments, or just scanning for a score?

• Use feedback as dialogue, not delivery. Instead of writing for them, write to them... end every comment with a question.

  What if feedback wasn’t a one-way note, but the start of a conversation about learning?

• Replace “achievement” with “growth.” Have students track their own learning over time, reflections, drafts, and mistakes, and discuss what changed, not what they got.

  How would your classroom feel if evidence of improvement mattered more than evidence of perfection?

As a school leader:

• Interrogate your feedback culture. Audit how feedback currently lives in your school: When does it happen? Who owns it: the teacher or the learner?

  Does your school talk about “data” more than dialogue?

• Ask better questions.

  • What is the purpose of our feedback?

  • Who is it serving?

  • Is it building independence or compliance?

  If grades were removed tomorrow, would our feedback still make sense?

• Create conditions for experimentation. Give teams permission to prototype: remove grades from one unit, co-design feedback rubrics with students, or let learners self-assess before the teacher weighs in.

  Are we giving our teachers the freedom to be curious, or just the pressure to be consistent?

As an educator more broadly:

• Challenge the system’s story. Question reporting structures, progress trackers, and parent expectations that centre on “the number.”

  What message does our reporting send about what we truly value?

• Reframe conversations with families. Help parents see learning as a narrative, not a scoreboard. Share the “three questions” approach, it gives them language to talk about growth, not grades.

• Lead from the middle. Whether you’re a classroom teacher or deputy principal, model what it looks like to prioritise learning conversations over performance metrics.

  What would it take for our schools to value feedback the way we currently value grades?

Bringing It Back to the Table

That morning with my son reminded me that our kids are ready for this shift, maybe more ready than we think. They don’t need perfect grades; they need meaningful conversations about how they learn, where they shine, and what’s next.

Perhaps it’s time we all stop asking, “What did you get?” and start asking, “What did you learn?”